Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
