dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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