So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you never un-have a 4some
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
