Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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