I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
