I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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