my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
