Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The ass gains better be worth it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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