I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
