so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
