True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
