I want you more than these girls want KFC
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
