So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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