you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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