I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
