Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
