she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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