I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
