I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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