fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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