Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
