Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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