Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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