whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
