I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
