WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
