I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
