my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
