are you so shy because you have an std?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
