i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
