I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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