he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
