dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
