Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
