what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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