Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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