maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
