Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
