Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
