I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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