i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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