i think i have two assholes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Someone signed my nipple.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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