I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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