one two three fourrrrnication!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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