I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
