I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
