He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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