is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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