She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
