I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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