I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
