ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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